Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!

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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:46 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
laugh I have to get this off my chest or I am going to pop.

As I've said before.. I have 3 children.. (15 - boy 13- girl 12- boy)..


My kids have been through an awful lot and it breaks my heart to think of it all.. so I don't.

Anywayy.. over the last 6yrs they have had a lot of counselling and therapies.. and one of them still does.. my youngest son.

My eldest son is a top student in school, as is my daughter.. and other than the usual teenagey things they are good as gold fun happy, no hang ups.. well rounded kids.


But my youngest son.. (who is the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful caring etc of them all)... has ODD.. Oppositional Defiant Disorder.. which basically mean she will do the opposite in defiance.. also a touch of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) it seems..

Anywayy.. he has those things.. ON TOP of his crummy start in life.. and it has left him with some major issues regarding men.. fathers.. and domestic violence.
'
He has some big problems with anger.... that (as I've said before) have involved every type of conceivable available help .. (I swear.. I COULD write a book)

He tries sooo hard to be good.. and for the most part succeeds.. but he has no fuse at all.. he will just explode.. WHICH in the past has even terrified grown men..

When he was 6yrs old (when my marriage ended).. that's when I started to see the behaviour in him.. He is soo (sooooo) sad not to have a father.. (the other two.. are not bothered) He has never got over it at all.. in fact it has only got worse and worse as time has gone on.

Anywayyyyyy..

At 9 he was expelled from school.. by 10yrs old.. he had been expelled by two schools.. 11yrs old.. three schools.. and yesterday.. after another meeting.. he was expelled from a FOURTH school.

My life is completely dominated by him and the things I have to do for him.. meetings arrangements phone calls.. meetings.. meetings AND meetings.. it has been a never ending thing for the last 6yrs .. and I THOUGHT we had been getting some where. It totally rules our lives.

He is soooo sad and hurt.. and despite how I may have made it sound .. he is a sweetheart, really really.. a messed up little angel.

But Yesterday he reeeeeeally scared me because he was breaking his heart and said..

'I have been thinking of killing myself.. everyone thinks I'm bad, I can't do anything right.. I try so hard but I just can't do it. I have chased all your friends away, no one wants to be with you because they don't like me. No one wants to babysit for you because I'm bad. But I'm scared mum.. what happens when you kill yourself? Do you go somewhere good or bad?.. or will the lights just turn off?'


blues crying
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trish123 Lancashire, Lancashire, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:49 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
ohhh hun hug hug hug
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morganlee Qawra, Majjistral Malta
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:50 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Oh Claayer hug just don't know what to say this is so very sad for you both hug hug hug teddy bear
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sxc666 Central Coast, New South Wales Australia
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:53 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Claire I don't even know how to offer you any advice.

As a mum you must be heartbroken and scared out of your wits.hug hug teddy bear
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oslojente Olso Norway
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:55 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
sxc666: Claire I don't even know how to offer you any advice.

As a mum you must be heartbroken and scared out of your wits.



What she said!!


hug teddy bear hug
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DizzyDi Lancashire, Lancashire, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:58 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
claire you must be breaking your heart over this, it is hard enough being a mum without all the extra crap

you have to have some extra time out with him

you both need some extra special big hugs and loves hug hug hug
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:59 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Anywayyy..

So here we are.. once again.. for the FOURTH time.. trying to find him some education.. some one that is willing to give him another (another another) chance. He is not stupid by a long shot.. he is a very bright boy.. and has a pretty high IQ.

The first two times he was expelled.. I cried and cried.. and panicked..

But by time number four.. I am no longer panicking.. just worried for him.

He is absolutely heartbroken.. (again).. he has MAJOR self esteem and self confidence issues as it is.. he wont look in the mirror.. and hates everything about himself.

I am going to try and get him back into a the Pupil referral unit (he thrives there).. BUT.. they can only take him for two terms.. (and he is 12).. also.. they can only take 25 kids.. and they already have 32.

I doubt any main stream school will take him.. (they ALL know about him).. I have had soooooooo many refusals the last three times.

BUT.. also .. he cannot handle mainstream school at all.. its waaayyy too big for him..

Last October when he had to leave the referral unit He was MEANT to be going to a special school (with 10 kids) for children with behavioural probs and esteem issues.. It took me 6 months of fighting to get him in there.. he was finally accepted .. then two weeks before he was due to start the government funding for the school ended.. and it had to close down.

Sooo.. he was thrown into a school with 1500 kids instead... and was waaayy out of his depth.

So here we are now.. expulsion number 4.. dunno

I am considering giving up my job to teach him at home if I can't sort something better out for him.. But we'll see.

The head of the school at the meeting yesterday said to me.. 'Claire.. what he NEEDS is a good man to look up to.. that's what the matter with him.. he is lost without a decent man's influence. some kids need it more than others'

Sooo.. anyway.. anyone wanna date? batting eyelashes laugh

I'm JOKING...

But seriously.. it no bloody wonder I AM single is it..

Mr Mc.. you had a frickin LUCKY escape! laugh


Anywayy. so there you go..
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vonney Dublin, Dublin Ireland
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 5:59 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Ah hun is heartbreaking for all of you, the poor child. All I can say pet is let him know how much you love him, believe me hun I have been there, have had that conversation more than once with my daughter because she feels it would be better if she was dead and have had to wrestle a knife out of her hands. As you know she has problems to and sometimes it gets to much for her, but like your son she can one minute be wrecking the house or attacking her sister and the next crying with frustration at herself.

Sending you all hugs pet sorry cant do anything practical to help




hug
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:01 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Ahh thankyooo teddy bear

It's okay.. We have been doing this a very long time.. we'll manage.. some how.

It's the suicide thing is really scaring me..

So I need to get my thinking cap on.. and come up with some new plans.
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Scottishlass Knoxville, Tennessee USA
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:03 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Claayer: 'I have been thinking of killing myself.. everyone thinks I'm bad, I can't do anything right.. I try so hard but I just can't do it. I have chased all your friends away, no one wants to be with you because they don't like me. No one wants to babysit for you because I'm bad. But I'm scared mum.. what happens when you kill yourself? Do you go somewhere good or bad?.. or will the lights just turn off?'
crying OMG Claayer, I wish I had something to say that would comfort you and that sweet boy. His words have left me choked up & the tears are welling up as I type this. I will pray for him and you.
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:11 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Scottishlass: OMG Claayer, I wish I had something to say that would comfort you and that sweet boy. His words have left me choked up & the tears are welling up as I type this. I will pray for him and you.


Yeah made me cry alot too. and now each time I think of it.

I (myself!!) involved the Social Services a few years ago.. to get as much back up and help for him as I could.

At one of the (MANY!!!!) meetings.. there was me sat around a MASSIVE JR Ewing style table.. and 15 'Heads' of different departments..

They said that they had thought it was in his best interest.. that I consider sending him to a behavioural boarding school (about 250 miles away!)... I said.. 'I appreciate thought you have all put into this.. but the VERY last thing he needs is to lose me too.. so you can stop right there.. and save your breath.. because there is no waaayy I will even consider that'


But.. it's what I know they will mention to me again now.
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Scottishlass Knoxville, Tennessee USA
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:14 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Is his dad involved in his life?? Would that make a difference to him either way??
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:17 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Scottishlass: Is his dad involved in his life?? Would that make a difference to him either way??


No not really.. the last time he spoke to the kids was last October.. and before that.. about May time last year.

He gives us plenty of money.. (guilt money for his lack of involvement I think).. and makes them shed loads of promises he never keeps.. The other two .. they know what he is like.. and they don't even listen or believe a word he says any more.. but my youngest hangs on every word he says.
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:18 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Oh and as for difference .. no I don't think it would make a GOOD difference... my son has him on some kind of pedestal that he really ISN'T on.

I think any involvement from him now would actually be MORE detrimental than anything else.
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dragonfly88 valencia, Valenciana Spain
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:28 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Claayer: Ahh thankyooo

It's okay.. We have been doing this a very long time.. we'll manage.. some how.

It's the suicide thing is really scaring me..

So I need to get my thinking cap on.. and come up with some new plans.



I can relate to all that Claayer

the suicide part is really scary.... for a time I couldn't have any windows open in my house (I live on a fifth floor) but now things are a bit better, medication (2 sorts), patience (I don't know where I get it from) and psyquiatric councelling is helping some....

I know how you feel, so you're not alone there and I know that sometimes finding a tree to kick and actually kicking it doesn't help at all as you probably you'd have to kick every single tree in the amazon forest.

just keep hanging there girl.... things eventually get better.


what gets me through it is the thought that some people must certainly have it much worse... there's always worse.... and also.... there's always better, so hope must never die...


huge hugs for you Claayer

hug hug



as for the father figure.... well, in a way it's good advice but not practical advice so unless you can come up with "the man" at the click of the fingers (which I doubt) forget about that and concentrate on yourslelf and your kids.

don't forget to treat yourself, it's very important, very very important to treat yourself and "dedicate" time to yourself, put her second if you have to sometimes. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. without you, your kids are nothing.

hugs again
hug
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gorgeous210 Galway, Galway Ireland
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:32 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Hi Claire,
Just read your post,so sorry to hear your situation. Have you went to your G.P since your son has mentioned suicide,your GP will refer you to the appropriate health proffessional! You get as much HELP as you can,the help is there its accessing it and your GP will help you there.. Good luck my thoughts are with you..
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Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:43 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
God, the crosses that people bear.....so sorry to hear of your predicament....

I learnt so much from my last relationship with a single mom with 2 kids.....the guilt, the struggle,and the burning, unstoppable commitment to her children....

I learnt from her to have such utter respect for womanhood and motherhood....the most powerful force in nature....I could only watch with admiration to see the daily display of unconditional love required in the face of financial burden, grinding work, running a home, mobbing at school, being a foreigner in a harsh culture, personen non grata...

Women are stronger than men, there's no doubt in my mind about that.....
and I have no doubt that you will find a way....

At least here in the digital domain, you have our respect, support, and best wishes....


hug
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:50 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
gorgeous210: Hi Claire,
Just read your post,so sorry to hear your situation. Have you went to your G.P since your son has mentioned suicide,your GP will refer you to the appropriate health proffessional! You get as much HELP as you can,the help is there its accessing it and your GP will help you there.. Good luck my thoughts are with you..


My son has been under the CAMS team (child and adolescent mental health).. for the last 3yrs ..


wave hug
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kissmedeeply Asheville, North Carolina, North Carolina USA
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:52 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
Claayer: I have to get this off my chest or I am going to pop.

As I've said before.. I have 3 children.. (15 - boy 13- girl 12- boy).. My kids have been through an awful lot and it breaks my heart to think of it all.. so I don't.

Anywayy.. over the last 6yrs they have had a lot of counselling and therapies.. and one of them still does.. my youngest son.

My eldest son is a top student in school, as is my daughter.. and other than the usual teenagey things they are good as gold fun happy, no hang ups.. well rounded kids. But my youngest son.. (who is the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful caring etc of them all)... has ODD.. Oppositional Defiant Disorder.. which basically mean she will do the opposite in defiance.. also a touch of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) it seems..

Anywayy.. he has those things.. ON TOP of his crummy start in life.. and it has left him with some major issues regarding men.. fathers.. and domestic violence.
'
He has some big problems with anger.... that (as I've said before) have involved every type of conceivable available help .. (I swear.. I COULD write a book)

He tries sooo hard to be good.. and for the most part succeeds.. but he has no fuse at all .. he will just explode.. WHICH in the past has even terrified grown men..

When he was 6yrs old (when my marriage ended).. that's when I started to see the behaviour in him.. He is soo (sooooo) sad not to have a father.. (the other two.. are not bothered) He has never got over it at all.. in fact it has only got worse and worse as time has gone on.

Anywayyyyyy..

At 9 he was expelled from school.. by 10yrs old.. he had been expelled by two schools.. 11yrs old.. three schools.. and yesterday .. after another meeting.. he was expelled from a FOURTH school.

My life is completely dominated by him and the things I have to do for him.. meetings arrangements phone calls.. meetings.. meetings AND meetings.. it has been a never ending thing for the last 6yrs .. and I THOUGHT we had been getting some where. It totally rules our lives.

He is soooo sad and hurt.. and despite how I may have made it sound .. he is a sweetheart, really really.. a messed up little angel.

But Yesterday he reeeeeeally scared me because he was breaking his heart and said..

'I have been thinking of killing myself.. everyone thinks I'm bad, I can't do anything right.. I try so hard but I just can't do it. I have chased all your friends away, no one wants to be with you because they don't like me. No one wants to babysit for you because I'm bad. But I'm scared mum.. what happens when you kill yourself? Do you go somewhere good or bad?.. or will the lights just turn off?'
claire hun..Just be there for him no matter what..Tell him He is not bad...Things just happen that are bad..but its not his fault...

Tell him everyday that you love him and blessed to have him...

Talk to him and tell him we will get this problems straighten out no matter what it takes so he can have a normal life...

Let him know hun you wont give up...

My both boys never/ever had a father...Oldest dont care less...

My youngest is different..always more anger in him...

His father had problems...hates police and tried to shoot one..Was in jail..no getting help...

Some of my oldest Sons friends said well your dad is mental and you will just be like him....crying

I sit him down and told him that these teenagers dont know any better and shouldnt of said what they said...

I said to him i will be there for you no matter what...

I tell them everyday that I LOVE BOTH WITH ALL MY HEART....and most certainly would die for them...

Claire I know its hard..but if he knows that you are there for him and wont never/ever walk away...In time i am sure things will look better by each passing day...

claire i am here for you...Mail me if you Wish...

hug hug hug hug teddy bear
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Claayer Wild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK
[top] Wed Jun 4, 2008 6:54 AM CST : Want to know about my crappy day? No? TOUGH!
dragonfly88: I can relate to all that Claayer

the suicide part is really scary.... for a time I couldn't have any windows open in my house (I live on a fifth floor) but now things are a bit better, medication (2 sorts), patience (I don't know where I get it from) and psyquiatric councelling is helping some....

I know how you feel, so you're not alone there and I know that sometimes finding a tree to kick and actually kicking it doesn't help at all as you probably you'd have to kick every single tree in the amazon forest.

just keep hanging there girl.... things eventually get better. what gets me through it is the thought that some people must certainly have it much worse... there's always worse.... and also.... there's always better, so hope must never die...huge hugs for you Claayer


as for the father figure.... well, in a way it's good advice but not practical advice so unless you can come up with "the man" at the click of the fingers (which I doubt) forget about that and concentrate on yourslelf and your kids.

don't forget to treat yourself, it's very important, very very important to treat yourself and "dedicate" time to yourself, put her second if you have to sometimes. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. without you, your kids are nothing.

hugs again


Oo I have not.. and am not.. looking for a father figure.. I have spent the last 6yrs staying out of anything serious.. (and my kids never know anyway, I don't bring anyone here)

And yeah.. I would have to kick a lot of trees.. laugh


wave hug
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