| Author | | Thread: your thoughts on child support |
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zdeadmanwalking
bowling green, Kentucky USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 3:55 PM CST |
through the 14 years i have been a single parent.i have always told the judges who i have face.that i didn't need child support nor do i want child support.for i have gotten what i wanted full custody of my 5 children
but now 2 states are going after my ex wife for child support,i have nothing to do with it.nor can i stop it,it is out of my hands.i never wanted child support for i have always,found a way.to put a roof over my children head,always found a way for them to eat and clothes to wear.they have always gotten what they needed.
i always told my ex wife the most important thing is her being a role in my children life.but as most as you know sometimes that does not happen.so my youngest jessica has grown up without a mother.but she is doing fine and does not want to see nor have anything to do with her mom.to jessica she is not her mother but the person who had her.
i have never said anything around my children nor have i let anyone.say anything about their mom around them.i have always known as they get older they will find out about their mom and make their own mind up about her.
but i found out last night that they caught her and now she is in jail.they gave her 6 months for not paying child support.the good and bad thing about it is my second oldest daughter told them where she was.her mom cause trouble for her.so she called and told them where she was.which it might be a good thing or bad thing.
but my children has always known i never wanted child support from their mom.they have always known i was not the one who put her in jail.but the state is the one that is doing it.she has put herself in jail for not paying child support.
when i almost got put in jail when i told a judge he can kiss my ass cause i didn't want child support,i gave up on it.i been leaving it up to the state to deal with.my children has been doing fine without a mom and child support why start it now.14 years is a little too late to start worrying about something
it is like i have always told my children,you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do.you cannot make a person be a parent to their children.nor can you make someone pay child support to help take care of children they help make.the best thing i have found out to do.is to move on with your life and do the best you can do.
as long as your children has a place to stay,food to eat and clothes to wear,you are doing something other parnets cannot do and wish they could do it.i know it is hard but i know it also can be done.i have been doing for the past 14 years and i will keep on doing it
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rivame
melbourne, Victoria Australia
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juscause
Tempe, Arizona, Arizona USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 4:24 PM CST |
You are a good man. I did not ask for support for my one and they went after dad any way. That's ok dad plays little role in her life and that's ok my baby also has everything she needs and some things she want but we are doing great. So Z stay as you are and grow beyond the pettiness of looking for the other parent to pay. I have a decent ex that works and do'nt mind paying but anything else is like pulling teeth. We have moved on not to expect too much from him.
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cherokeemoon
grove, Oklahoma USA
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Posted: May 24, 2007, 4:25 PM CST |
Ur one of a kind my friend.U keep up the good work,ur kids r very blessed to have u as DAD 
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joisit
Oak Harbor, Ohio USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 4:25 PM CST |
I pay support to my ex-husband, and when I had custody he paid me. Children deserve financial support from both parents. Good job with them though, if you ever do get the support use it for there college, or future needs. 
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RedHeadedTaurus
Here, Michigan USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 4:43 PM CST |
And your children are very lucky to have you as a loving, caring, and supportive father...
Bless your heart!!!
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Galactic_bodhi
Portland, Oregon USA
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Posted: May 24, 2007, 4:46 PM CST |
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Good for you, hombre. Keep to the high road, and take care of your children as you're already doing.
The rest will work itself out.
Salut!
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Assets52
Bethlehem, New Hampshire USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 5:44 PM CST |
I think although your attitude is admirable Z and you have been an awesome parent providing for your children, they could have more if your ex helped.
It appears it is out of your hands now.
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Alainn
Monroeville, Pennsylvania USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: May 24, 2007, 5:50 PM CST |
"i have never said anything around my children nor have i let anyone.say anything about their mom around them.i have always known as they get older they will find out about their mom and make their own mind up about her."
This is the thing most people don't understand, never bad mouth the absent parent. I commend you on your role as a FATHER rather than a sperm donor. There are not many men that are willing to take on one child, let alone 5. Someday they will realize you were alwasy there and they will appreciate this more than anything the mother could ever do.
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colorgirl09
Middle, Tennessee USA
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ariesgirl003
Bangin, New Jersey USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: Jun 1, 2007, 11:55 PM CST |
I bet my head over this all the time....
Why should you have to take someone to court to pay for there kids....It takes two
And how do women walk away from there kids?
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In response to:through the 14 years i have been a single parent.i have always told the judges who i have face.that i didn't need child support nor do i want child support.for i have gotten what i wanted full custody of my 5 children but now 2 states are going after my ex wife for child support,i have nothing to do with it.nor can i stop it,it is out of my hands.i never wanted child support for i have always,found a way.to put a roof over my children head,always found a way for them to eat and clothes to wear.they have always gotten what they needed. i always told my ex wife the most important thing is her being a role in my children life.but as most as you know sometimes that does not happen.so my youngest jessica has grown up without a mother.but she is doing fine and does not want to see nor have anything to do with her mom.to jessica she is not her mother but the person who had her. i have never said anything around my children nor have i let anyone.say anything about their mom around them.i have always known as they get older they will find out about their mom and make their own mind up about her. but i found out last night that they caught her and now she is in jail.they gave her 6 months for not paying child support.the good and bad thing about it is my second oldest daughter told them where she was.her mom cause trouble for her.so she called and told them where she was.which it might be a good thing or bad thing. but my children has always known i never wanted child support from their mom.they have always known i was not the one who put her in jail.but the state is the one that is doing it.she has put herself in jail for not paying child support. when i almost got put in jail when i told a judge he can kiss my ass cause i didn't want child support,i gave up on it.i been leaving it up to the state to deal with.my children has been doing fine without a mom and child support why start it now.14 years is a little too late to start worrying about something it is like i have always told my children,you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do.you cannot make a person be a parent to their children.nor can you make someone pay child support to help take care of children they help make.the best thing i have found out to do.is to move on with your life and do the best you can do. as long as your children has a place to stay,food to eat and clothes to wear,you are doing something other parnets cannot do and wish they could do it.i know it is hard but i know it also can be done.i have been doing for the past 14 years and i will keep on doing it quoted message
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Raynew
Concord, North Carolina USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: Jun 2, 2007, 8:30 AM CST |
I wish I knew the answer to that question.
A year after our divorce, she practically threw the oldest at me. I went to pick up the boys like I did every other weekend and as they were getting into the car, she told me not to bring him back. She couldn't deal with his behavior and his being ADHD just like she couldn't deal with my having a heart problem.
In a period of seven years I can count the number of times she had taken him on one hand. Because we each had custody of a child, support was cancelled out.
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In response to:I bet my head over this all the time.... Why should you have to take someone to court to pay for there kids....It takes two And how do women walk away from there kids? quoted message
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johndivr
Middle East, Florida USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: Jun 2, 2007, 8:36 AM CST |
 Zman, just keep cool, you are going to be OK, the kids are the most important thing...Work with it Bro, and Pray, I do everyday here!
Be Well, JR
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SusieRR
northeast, Ohio USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: Jun 2, 2007, 9:56 AM CST |
Hi zdeadman! I never went to court for child support because I don't like the govt. being involved in our lives. My younger son's dad has almost paid monthly after the first year after I moved out from him.
Because we got state medical benefits for the last four years, the state decided to get involved last year. We refused any other state assistance, just medical. It caused some hassle for my son's dad, and they raised his payments by $25. so now he pays $402 a month. The state was planning on making him pay the state, then take out a percentage, then send me the remaining. They haven't done that yet, and in October it will be cut off, my son turns 18.
We are all still friends, my son's dad and his wife, and they are coming to visit in a few days for his graduation.
If people are using state assistance, the state wants their portion to help defer costs.
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In response to:through the 14 years i have been a single parent.i have always told the judges who i have face.that i didn't need child support nor do i want child support.for i have gotten what i wanted full custody of my 5 children but now 2 states are going after my ex wife for child support,i have nothing to do with it.nor can i stop it,it is out of my hands.i never wanted child support for i have always,found a way.to put a roof over my children head,always found a way for them to eat and clothes to wear.they have always gotten what they needed. i always told my ex wife the most important thing is her being a role in my children life.but as most as you know sometimes that does not happen.so my youngest jessica has grown up without a mother.but she is doing fine and does not want to see nor have anything to do with her mom.to jessica she is not her mother but the person who had her. i have never said anything around my children nor have i let anyone.say anything about their mom around them.i have always known as they get older they will find out about their mom and make their own mind up about her. but i found out last night that they caught her and now she is in jail.they gave her 6 months for not paying child support.the good and bad thing about it is my second oldest daughter told them where she was.her mom cause trouble for her.so she called and told them where she was.which it might be a good thing or bad thing. but my children has always known i never wanted child support from their mom.they have always known i was not the one who put her in jail.but the state is the one that is doing it.she has put herself in jail for not paying child support. when i almost got put in jail when i told a judge he can kiss my ass cause i didn't want child support,i gave up on it.i been leaving it up to the state to deal with.my children has been doing fine without a mom and child support why start it now.14 years is a little too late to start worrying about something it is like i have always told my children,you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do.you cannot make a person be a parent to their children.nor can you make someone pay child support to help take care of children they help make.the best thing i have found out to do.is to move on with your life and do the best you can do. as long as your children has a place to stay,food to eat and clothes to wear,you are doing something other parnets cannot do and wish they could do it.i know it is hard but i know it also can be done.i have been doing for the past 14 years and i will keep on doing it quoted message
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hiddentreasure10
Greensburg, Kentucky USA
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| | your thoughts on child support
Posted: Jun 5, 2007, 10:46 AM CST |
I have written my response three times and keep deleting it because i don't know how exactly to get it down on "paper".
1) Your x has a responsibility to your children, you didn't make them by yourself.
2) Damage control--- protect your kids
My x pops into my kids lives ever so often, the most recent pop in was because he owed me a lot of child support and the state caught up with him. He reaked havoc emotionally with them and he got physical with our son.
My biggest piece of advice is to protect your kids from emotional or physical cruelty because it hurts kids so deeply. My kids hate their father because of the things he has done and not done, and some day i hope they come to grips with these feelings. You can't be both mother and father to your kids, i know, i tried. But don't let your x tear them to pieces.
Ex... my son would help his father work on his farm, Ed would praise our son for the hard work he did. Then because he wasn't sure how to do something (we lived in the city) Ed would call him stupid and lazy and make fun of him.
We do not use the word neiger(sp) in my house. To upset my youngest daughter on purpose Ed would say neiger this neiger that , knowing our youngest daughter couldn't stand it. She asked him to stop and his reply was "this is my house and i will say anything i damn well want to".
My oldest daughter has had three serious health issues, things that could have killed her. She called her father because she wanted him to be there for her. He said he couldn't because his second family needed him.
My kids won't tell me alot of things, it's the mom is the last to know thing. So I have some good friends who "look" out for my kids and if there is something they think i really need to intervene in they will let me know.And they are a great sounding board for my kids and i know these friends will give them good advice. My main concern is keeping my children on the right road and them knowing they are wanted , appreciated, valued and loved and that they can do anything they put their minds to. Their confidence in themselves and their happiness is what i worry about most. I don't want the cruel insults, lies or other abuses they suffered by their father to haunt them.
I can't protect my kids from everything their father does or says, but i sure try. My kids know all they have to do is call and someone( whether me or a friend who is closer will be right over).
If your x is like this do your best to just keep her away. At least limit her access to your kids. The damage it causes children is devastating. My kids have such a deep anger and hatred for their father, and i wish they didn't. That is a heavy burden to carry. They gave him a nick name to express what he has meant in their lives " sperm donor". I try to keep good people around me and the kids, lots of good influences. People who will be good to them and help them stay on the right road and treat them like the young people they are. Good luck.
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