old age, i decided is a gift. i am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person i have always wanted to be. oh, not my body! i sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. and often i am taken aback by that old person in my mirror(who looks like my mother!), but i dont agonize over those things for long. i would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family, or my beautiful sons for less gray hair or a flatter belly. as i have aged, i have become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. i have become my own friend. i dont chide myself for eating the extra cookie or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that i didnt need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. i am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. i have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. whos business is it, if i choose to read or play on the computor until 4am and sleep till noon? i will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60s and 70s and if i , at the same time , choose to weep over lost love ....I WILL. i will walk on the beach in a swimsuit that is stretched over a sagging body, and i will dive in the waves with abandon if i choose to, despite the pitying looks from the jetset. they, too will get old. i know sometimes i am forgetful. but there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. and i eventually remember the important things. sure over the years my heart has been broken. how can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebodys beloved pet gets hit by a car? but broken hearts are what gives us strength, understanding, and compassion. a heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know thw joy of being imperfect. i am blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into grooves on my face. so many have never laughed, and have died before their hair could turn silver. as i get older, it is easier to be positive. i care less about what other people think. i dont question myself anymore. i have earned the right to be wrong. so to answer my own qestion, i like getting older! it has set me free. i like the person i have become. i am not going to live forever, but while i am still here, i will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. and i will eat my dessert single day.(if i feel like it)
